So you want to book a companion

Ever since publishing Bloodsuckers and Mensches, I’ve gotten many questions about how to effectively make an appointment with a companion.

If you are prospective client, contacting a companion you have never met, your best course of action is:

1) Do your research, so you know that you and the provider are a good match and you don’t waste time asking for information you can find yourself;

2) Follow the companion’s instructions on how to book and what information they need from you; and 

3) Keep communications simple, clear and professional.

(Note: Throughout this post, I use the terms “companion” and “provider” interchangeably to refer to an independent, non-agency-affiliated worker who charges hourly fees — AKA escort.)

Step-by-step guide to contacting and booking a companion

ONE. Do your research. 

You wouldn’t buy a plane ticket without any idea where you were going, would you? 

A reputable provider will have at least one ad, a website (Google their name to find it — yes, providers are searchable, we live in a truly golden age), a social media presence (usually Twitter), and some description of their screening requirements. (They may even have a blog, like this one. Hello!)

Why bother checking those out, you ask? Lots of reasons. Their website may include information not included in their ad — such as their rates, schedule/availability, or screening requirements. Their website, social media and ad, taken together, will give you a good sense of their current appearance (blonde hair? Purple hair?), their personality, and whether you will be a good match. (And, indeed, whether they are a legit provider at all. There are plenty of fakes out there. A few pretty photos does not a legit provider make.)

Doing your research,” in this case, means, “Ogle photos of an attractive person. And read a few words they’ve written.”

It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.

Do everyone a favor and get the lay of the land before you contact the provider. 

A little upfront work will save you lots of wasted time and frustration. You wouldn’t want to be in the awkward position of contacting a provider who is way out of your price range, only offers outcalls when you require incall, or has a two-hour minimum when you only wish to see them for an hour. 

It’s also quite rude (and time-inefficient) to ask a provider a bunch of questions answered on their website. 

TWO.  Follow their instructions. 

In the provider’s ad and/or website, they will detail how to initiate contact and what information to include in your initial message. We want you to contact us! But we also want you to give us the information we need, so we know you’re serious and not a time-waster. Help us out.

To help grease the wheels, most companions have a contact form on their website that prompts you for required information. Use it! It instantly puts your inquiry at the top of the queue. 

If you must, and if the provider allows it, email them directly, making sure to include all the same information they ask for in the contact form. 

Please note that most companions do NOT welcome booking inquiries of any kind via Twitter or Instagram DM, since people who use those methods are typically time wasters and wankers. Some companions accept phone calls, some accept texts, some accept neither. It depends on the provider, but if you’ve done your research you’ll know what method(s) your chosen provider prefers.

THREE. Be polite, professional and concise in your messages.

A good rule of thumb: In your initial message, speak to your chosen companion as if they were your boss. 

Yes, really. 

Introduce yourself, send your screening info, send your booking info (time, date, location, and duration of the date, including 1-2 alternates if the first time doesn’t work). 

Then click Send (or Submit), close your laptop or put down your phone, and smile, because you’re in for a great time, champ.

Don’t even think about sending a companion an explicit message or question; not only is it disgusting and degrading, but it puts both of you in danger, as selling sexual services is illegal in the U.S. (By the same token: a companion who uses explicit language in her ads, or entertains explicit messages, could be a fraud, scammer or a cheat, or just extremely reckless.)

In your initial message, you may be tempted to brag about your boyish good looks, your incredible education, your fancy job, or dazzle them with your cleverness. You’re trying to score a date with an attractive person, after all. 

Resist this urge. Your chosen provider will see you are a catch, because you’re going to show them that you have done your research and respect their booking and screening requirements. Hot.

Politely introduce yourself, but don’t go overboard by including a bunch of information the provider didn’t ask for. It’s nice to include a few words (a few! I said a few!) about why you chose to reach out to them specifically and  what you find appealing about them. And perhaps where you found them (Twitter, an ad site, Google search, etc.)

But again, don’t let your gushing or boasting overshadow the main purpose of the message, which is to get screening and logistics out of the way so your relationship can flow naturally when you spend time together. 

In other words, save the intense “getting to know you” and soul-baring for when you actually meet — that’s the whole point of booking a companion in the first place. 

Personally, I would love to hear all about your childhood pets, your trip to Thailand, and the origin of your last name — when we meet. I’m less amused when I have to go over your entire life story with a fine-tooth comb to see that, buried in Paragraph Eight, you mentioned you want to see me for three hours next Tuesday.

FOUR. Many companions have an email auto-reply. Read it.

At the very least, skim this message! We wrote it for a reason. It often has the most up-to-date information on our response times, availability, touring schedule, and other matters. Occasionally, a new friend of mine reads my auto-reply and submits another piece of screening information he forgot initially. Great! It shows he’s paying attention and he’s invested in efficiently giving me the information i need without having to beg for it.

FIVE. Give the provider at least 24 hours to respond to your initial message. 

Assuming you included all the required booking and screening info, it’s safe to assume the provider is happily and excitedly screening you before they write back. 

They are also living their best life and dealing with their own unruly inbox. Be patient. 

Do NOT bombard them with emails — that’s an easy way for them to block and ignore you, forever.

SIX. Relax and keep your eye out for the reply.

If the provider needs any more information from you, or can’t meet with you when you’d like, they will let you know. Please be responsive to their needs — again, we want the same thing you want, which is a fun and safe meeting, planned as painlessly as possible.

If you never hear from them, either you didn’t pass screening, your email lacked necessary information, the provider wasn’t legit, or the provider is simply ignoring you in favor of their new passion, falconry. Best to move on and contact another provider.

SEVEN.  Show up to your date and watch your relationship blossom!

This is the fun part. And if it’s not fun, you get your money back! (No, you don’t. This isn’t Best Buy.)

FAQS about contacting providers

There are an infinite number of questions to ask about booking a companion, because all companions operate differently and our preferences evolve over time. We’re not a hive mind, nor identical robots stamped out of sheet metal at the Fun Factory. Unfortunately. But here are a few, with my best attempts at impartial and universal answers.

Q: What are the hallmarks of a time waster? How to I avoid coming off as a timewaster?

A: A timewaster is a broad term that refers to someone who contacts a sex worker without any intention of booking them, buying their content, or otherwise compensating them. Timewasters also include incompetent or entitled lookie-loos; for example, people who aren’t prepared to screen, attempt to dictate the worker’s fees or terms, or simply waste time and disrespect the provider by asking questions covered on their ad and website.

Time-wasters do one or more the following:

  • Ask about a provider’s rates, location, minimum date duration, or other information published on their advertisement(s) and website

  • Use a variation of “hi,” “hello,” “hey baby” “your beautiful,” “u available?” with no other information 

  • Offer only irrelevant, useless information the provider didn’t ask for, such as a selfie, explicit photo, a physical description, a promise of money, or an outfit request 

  • Asks about things the provider doesn’t offer (e.g. half-hour appointments, credit card payments)

  • Asks for discounts, deals, freebies or favors (this isn’t a used car lot)

  • Refuses to send the screening information the providers requires, or only sends fake or non-verifiable “screening” info (e.g. a fake identity or tries to use a review history as screening) 

  • Includes explicit language or requests, or asks about services or a “menu” (this is stupid, degrading and illegal)

  • Contacts a provider using channels she doesn’t like (e.g. Twitter DM, text, Instagram DM — this varies by provider)

  • Offers rare or risky payment types (e.g. bank transfer, check, PayPal), or offers a fee high above the provider’s stated rate 

  • Makes fake and non-verifiable promises, such as “I’m a nice guy” or “'I’ll be a regular”

  • Overall rudeness, incoherence, and/or stupidity 

Q: I’ve spotted a provider in my area who looks appealing. How do I know they are real?

A: Do they screen all their new clients? Are their rates in line with the market in the area (fakers often offer ridiculously low rates)? Do they have an ad, a website and a social media presence with some history? Do their ads and website emphasize that they offer time and companionship only, with no mention of explicit services or a “menu”? Do they have a range of photos (taken at different times, in different outfits, and/or a mix of professional photos and selfies?) If they meet all these requirements, they are likely real. 

(Disclaimer: if someone meets all these requirements and turns out to not be real, don’t sue me.) 

Q: How can I reduce my risk when booking a companion?

A: Only see companions who advertise fees for time and companionship, and do not mention services or a “menu.” Only see companions that have a digital footprint and reputation to uphold (e.g. ad, website and active social media presence). Only see companions who screen their clients (e.g. require your real-world info, references, or both). Communicate with them via encrypted email only (e.g. Protonmail). Keep all communications professional, as if you were communicating with your boss at work. Delete sent messages in your Sent mail folder, and log out of accounts when you are finished. Use devices that you control at all times; if possible, avoid using devices shared by others in your household. Treat companions respectfully, and we will love you back.

Q: Is it ok to ask a companion for additional photos when I’m choosing who I want to see?

A: Absolutely not. Any reputable companion will have dozens of pictures across her ad, website, and social media. Peep ‘em. 

Q: Is it ok to ask a companion for a photo of their face?

A: Opinions differ a lot between providers, but personally, I think it’s rude to ask. if she wanted to share photos of her face, she would post them.

Q: I’ve spotted a provider in my area who looks appealing, but I’d like to learn more about them before we meet. Can I ask them about their favorite books, movies, animals, what they were like in 7th grade, their astrological sign, their deepest desires, etc.?

A: No. Any reputable companion has carefully crafted their ad ad, website and social media to reveal what wish toe reveal. You are not entitled to uncompensated “getting to know you” messages — or uncompensated chit-chat at all. Ask all your questions during your date, knowing that the provider may decline to answer certain questions.

Q: Is it ok to ask a companion about their rates, minimum meeting time, accepted payment types, etc?

A: Only if you’ve read their ad and website first, and don’t see the answer there. 

Q: I want to see a certain provider, but their rate’s a little high. Is it ok to ask for a discount, or if they offer shorter visits?

A: No. Save up your money, cowboy.

Q: What if I want something the companion doesn’t mention (e.g. half-hour meetings, incall, etc?) Is it ok to ask about it?

A: In general, no. You’re better off finding a companion that offers what you are looking for.

Q: I have my eye on a companion who asks for alternate documentation for screening (a selfie, a voice-verification phone call, etc.) Is that legit?

A: Maybe! Independent companions are just that — independent. We all set our own requirements for screening and booking appointments. If you think a companion is reputable and appealing, and you wish to see her, yes, you should follow their screening requirements to the letter. 

Q: I want to see a companion but don’t want give them my screening info. What do I do?

A: Don’t contact them.

Q: But I have a wife?!

A: Congratulations. Companions still deserve to stay safe and know who they are seeing.

Q: Is discretion the same thing as anonymity?

A: No. No reputable companion will meet up with some anonymous dude. If she does, she has a death wish — or a pimp who’s forcing her to work. A reputable companion will be discreet, however. They will communicated discreetly, protect your personal info, delete it after you meet, refrain from sharing it with others, and will dress and act appropriately in public spaces, such as hotel lobbies.


Q: I saw a companion who didn’t screen, and I was robbed/arrested/called a silly little soup boy. Who can I blame?

A: Yourself.

Q: Is it ok to ask a companion if she’s available (if I’ve never seen her before)?

A: Available when? Where? And…who the hell are you?!

Never ask a companion “are you available?” It’s rude and will get your message deleted. A random, anonymous person asking “u avail?” Is a classic timewaster move. If you’re serious about seeing her, write her a short note with your screening information and suggest a few meeting times that would work for you, ideally at least 24-28 hours in advance. 

Be respectful of her schedule — companions have lives, families, jobs, children, pets and hobbies just like everyone else, and we do not take appointments 24/7. Also, screening takes time. 

Q: I was all set to see a provider, but I chickened out/changed my mind/had to leave town in a hurry. What do I do?

A: Let them know. Send her an apology note, and pay their cancellation fee. Once again: pay their cancellation fee. 

Q: I think I want to see a provider, but I’m not sure. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. What do I do?

A: Only contact a provider when you are 100% sure you are ready to see them. Providers don’t want to deal with flakes, looky-loos, conflicted people, or comparison shoppers, nor do we have the time, energy or inclination to try to persuade someone to see us. 

Open that door when you’re good and ready, and not a moment before. 

Q: I contacted a provider but they haven’t responded. What’s up?

A: Did you include all the required screening and booking information? If not, they likely don’t know what do with your message. Also, have you given them a couple of days to respond? It’s best to just wait and see. Do not bombard them with messages.

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This post was written by Shae Ashbury, a petite NYC escort. Visit my booking form, gallery, patronage and details, and testimonials. If you found this post valuable, consider tipping me by emailing an Net-A-Porter or Etsy gift card to shaeashbury@protonmail.ch. Thank you for your support!

Shae Ashbury